The only thing that keeps me from growing a mullet is the Torah. My happiest days were when I rocked a mullet. When I was slicing through the ladies in the 1990s, I looked at this Jewish singer at Aish HaTorah who was married with kids but wore a mullet and I thought, “A mullet is not the Orthodox way.” He soon gave it up and went 613.
Down deep, I think my true self is a mullet-wearing rock star with insanity in his eyes and a total inability to care for himself (hence the need for a lot of female adoration). When I look at these Loverboy videos, that’s who I truly am. How do I get there?
I gotta do it my way or no way at all.
I see myself in a career where I get endless female attention. I see myself being pampered because my insights into life are just so keen.
When I was bed-ridden by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in my 20s, my mom’s friend Katie Lynch told her (when she said I complained that she didn’t listen to me), “Luke’s a wounded young god. If he was healthy and at UCLA, he’d have 500 people paying attention to him.”
I could put on just as good a show as Loverboy or the Scorpions. I hope that 20,000 people show up to my one-man play.
Everyone’s watching to see what you will do
Everyone’s looking at you, oh
Everyone’s wondering, will you come out tonight
Everyone’s trying to get it right, get it right
Who are you really? I know you work in PR or as a lawyer or banker or rabbi, but how do you see yourself when you dream? Surely you’ve had a consistent fantasy about your true self from childhood? I see myself as a rock star with a mullet and endless female attention. I’m Klaus Meine. That’s me. Everything else is just an accommodation (to God, to reality, to family, community, etc).
When I pull up to a Jewish singles event in an “attention-grabbing, backfiring, polluting, serial killer van” (Lewis Fein), that’s not my true self. That’s not the Orthodox way.
I won’t be lonely, I won’t be lonely, when it’s over.
